The Desire

I realized when you ask Jesus into your heart, He places Himself there and dwells within you. He dwells, do you know what this means? He enjoys and delights to be in your heart.

From last Friday, (August 1, 2008) things have been so different for me. I know only five days of truly accepting Christ in my heart and I’m completely different, my thinking is different. For 28 years I grew up believing in God and knew Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I was brought up with these beliefs but I didn’t truly know what it meant to have Christ in my heart. That is not a decision someone can make for you, it has to be made by you and only you.

Remember when I said I was at a fork in the road? God wanted to know what I really wanted; I had to make a choice. An easy decision this was not. I had such a desire to be married and to have a family, not out of desperation but a deep desire… a longing. I really thought this could have been him, the one. Something was missing though, I didn't know what, but something. I knew in my head the truth. I had heard so many times before that Christ was enough, and to live your life for Christ, to allow Him into your heart, that He should be the center of all relationships, etc. I knew I had to choose Christ, I knew in my head He was what I wanted. I stood firm on what I believed to be truth and with that... my heart was opened it was no longer a knowing in my head...it was in my heart.

It was in this moment I felt the chains of bondage fall from me. I had been set FREE. Free from myself, from what I thought to be truth, from living the life I thought I should instead of how Christ wants me too. It was as though I had been in a cage for so long and didn't realize this door had been opened. Walking around in the cage living life how I thought I should, doing what people thought I should, doing the "right thing", doing good things for people, helping when I should. Don't get me wrong all those things are great, but I was doing them in bondage. This is a hard concept for me to explain, I think finding the words to express this is difficult. I'll come back to this and try to make sense of what I mean.

I was placing all my wants and desires on my relationships expecting them to be fulfilled through the people I was with. My desire was placed in me by God...for God. I have been filled, no more do I long to be with someone, don't get me wrong I still want to be married and someday have a family but the yearning for it is gone. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I praise God because I know in my heart, it's coming. This is faith, a knowing in your heart the promises God has made, have been met before His reveal.

Remember my "pie chart"....it's gone. God was not designed to only be in portions of my life, He is in all of it. A good friend told me “God is the fragrance of my life”. Like when you spray perfume or cologne, it fills the room, it goes everywhere. It doesn't just stay in the area you spray it; you can smell it even in the next room. God is in every aspect of my life.