He Speaks

I was just leaving Target the light had turned green and I was on my way back home when something told me to go back and go to the Christian bookstore. Huh I thought, what? Did I hear that? Did I sense that? Did I feel it? Well the farther I drove from the bookstore the louder it got so I turned around and went back. I walked in thinking I must be here because I’m going to see someone I know. Looking around I saw…no one, at least no one I knew. Feeling a little silly just standing there I pretend to be looking for a book all the while in my head saying "I feel stupid, I don’t know what I’m doing here, I should just leave". I start to pull a book from the shelf and read the title and then put it back, just pretending to be doing something, I’d pull out the next one, read the title and put it back, this happened about four or five times until I pulled out the book entitled “Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs”. I almost dropped the book. I realized then I didn’t have it all figured out. I bought the book and read it, answered some questions I had. It was great. So for the most part I learned Christ should be first in your relationships, ok, got it.

My First "God Encounter"

I hadn’t really thought too much about it but was thankful and knew it was God who lifted the burden. My first “God encounter” I guess you could say. This left wonder inside me and I wanted to know more about God. Church seemed like the first place to start. I felt a pull to find a “home church” and started shopping. I went to several churches over the next two years, small churches, big churches, and an even really big churches thinking surely God was there.

My Story

I had packed my things and left our small two bedroom duplex only a week after having surgery removing the lump for a biopsy. A few pictures still hung on the wall and traces of memories sat on bookshelves and tables. I was 22 and getting divorced. I couldn’t believe it, this was not the dream I had. I was in a daze as I walked out the door, wondering what had happened. My life had seemed to fall apart right before me; I thought I was in control. I tried so hard to keep my grades up in school but Dr. Harlan was moving too fast and I was moving at a snails pace trying to fit the pieces of my life back together, so many pieces were missing.

October 25, 2002, I moved back in with mom and dad seeing as how working a part time job and going to school full time left me no choice. It was getting late and I was so tired, not physically but mentally…emotionally just drained. As I walked back into my old room I fell to the ground beside my bed in utter exhaustion and defeat. It was then that I started to pray and truly call out to God. I couldn’t stand the pain; my heart ached and needed to be healed. Before this I had never really called on God, for anything. I’d say the traditional prayer of thanks for things in my life but never called out to Him for His help. The burden on my back was too much and knew if anyone could help me it would have to be Him. This was too much for any of my friends or family to fix. To be honest, I don’t really remember my prayer; something about taking the load I was carrying and feeling so weak. Wasn’t really sure He heard me over the sobbing. I had cried so hard my eyes were dry; I didn’t know that was possible. Getting up off the floor and into bed for the night is still a blur but I slept hard and felt better in the morning. Things had been turned upside down but I had a peace about it and knew everything was going to be ok.